Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
