What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
