forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
