Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
