So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
