you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
