I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
