im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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