I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
