Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
