I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
