You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
