Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
