sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
