M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
