# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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