id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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