I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
