I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
