fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
