party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
