It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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