sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so that wasnt chicken after all
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
