guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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