No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
