I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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