4 words: hood of his car
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
