I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
