I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Do vagina's smell?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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