I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
