Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize