ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
