Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize