I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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