Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
