so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
