I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
