this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
it was like eating out sand paper
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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