we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
