I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
