before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
