Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
