I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
