Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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