Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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