he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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