So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
