I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
