why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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