Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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