Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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