uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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