It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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