Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
