Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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