jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i already hear my dad disowning me
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
