States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
