see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
