Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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