All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
