I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
