it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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