If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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