oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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