My underwear smells like fireworks.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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