I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
