Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I hope mine doesn't look like that
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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