I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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