The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
