yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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