the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
my being single is dangerous.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
