Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
