Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
