best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
