Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
