laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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