eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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