apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
