I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
