check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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