There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize