i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
