Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
